so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
