dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
