Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
