dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
