If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There are leaves in my underwear?
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