My room smells like vodka and shame
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
