WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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