Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
