Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
