You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
