apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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