According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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