We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
