it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
