Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
