Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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