I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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