Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
