I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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