I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
