What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
