I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
