Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
