guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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