I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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