4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
