My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
