Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
