time to smoke my breakfast
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
