he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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