Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
