And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
