She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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