I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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