A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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