my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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