Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
