sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
