I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
