My nipple is on Facebook.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
