one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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