no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
