If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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