are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
