My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
