How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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