I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
