I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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