toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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