so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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