some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
