It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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