Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
