I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
