I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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